Being True To Oneself

I am now looking at being submissive and what that means to me, my Goddess tells me I have a submissive soul. Recently my Goddess pointed me to an article on submission and I found a blog called submissiveguide.com and as I read the articles I felt at home, I kept seeing everything I had been expressing to my Goddess in what submission meant to me and how I saw a D/s relationship. One of the articles mentioned I have a right to define my submission and as I kept reading I found an incredible freedom washing over me. Other than the conversations I have had with my Goddess, I have had no contact with anyone that lives the lifestyle. My circumstances at the time did not permit me to explore freely what I was discovering about myself.

My searches on the net had bourne little fruit in understanding my submissive nature and mostly I had found the fantasies and the stories men had been writing about. So here I was trying to understand what I was discovering about myself and I knew I desired to be a good submissive for my Goddess and she was telling me I needed to be patient.

The hardest part about the last year has been balancing, my realization that I am submissive, trying to save my marriage and a friendship with a domme. My friend has never lead me on, she has always told me whatever I do I must be true to myself and make my own decisions, she kept reminding me submissives are strong people and as I grew in my understanding of my nature I would find freedom.

As much as I loved my wife and found pleasure in serving her, there was an underlying unhappiness there where needs that were not being met. I was seeking a deeper level of intimacy with my wife and she kept telling me what I wished for was a fantasy and did not exist. One of the most painful things a domme can do to punish a sub is to banish the sub and in many ways I felt like my submissive nature was being ignored, I was being ignored.  I have only realized this in the last week.

To me when I decided to leave I felt like I had betrayed my nature, I was leaving the woman, the Goddess I was committed to so I could discover who I am and be true to myself. When it comes right down to it relationships break up because of a lack of communication and needs are not being met.

I know I need time to be by myself and come to terms with the direction my life is going now and to put to rest a long relationship with a woman I served. My Goddess continues to encourage me to be strong for myself and be patience, because my submissive nature is still unfolding and I have much to learn, she tells me I need some serious training. lol. I respect the Lady very much and how she talks about how true dominants will uplift their slaves, she has been helping me keep my head on straight and me pointed in the right direction.

I had the courage to get honest with myself and do what is right for me. I am feeling happier now and I am looking at possibilities. Maybe one day Goddess will train me, maybe not, the friendship we have is important to us both. I keep remembering something Goddess told about strength, strength for yourself, strength to achieve in the world and strength to submit in a healthy manner.

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