Radical Honesty and Acceptance

The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster, lots of ups and downs sometimes I don’t even know what I am feeling half the time other than it feels like something it ready to burst out of me and then the insights show up. I tell myself I have lot going on and it is normal for what I am going through.  My big thought is I simply want to be at peace with myself amidst all the turmoil I am feeling. I found imaging I am a still pool of water helps and I also focusing on breathing through my heart and I find myself being still and a calm settles in for a time.

I was corresponding with someone over the last few days, she had commented on my poems and how I had the images of fire and love  woven through them. And we also got to talking about the Lifestyle and her challenges with her sub. I kept seeing some of my behavior in her story about how her sub was behaving. I asked her about how she viewed male subs and she gave me an interesting perspective.  As she shared about the dynamic with her sub, it stirred up a lot of feelings reminding me of how I can and have behaved with my friend. Over the next few days her comments on love and reality provided me with a lot of insights.

I have a good understanding of myself and my processes and I am honest with myself and others, yet there was one thing that was missing, I wasn’t willing to accept things as they were, because of the conversations I had over the last couple of days this morning after my meditation and all the writing I have done in the last two days I was finally was able to accept where I am in my life today and let go of the fantasy I was holding onto.

The pain and the feelings when I accept that they are there, I allow them to flow and they move on.

My big lesson honesty and acceptance go hand in hand. If I do not accept it is like paying lip service, yeah, yeah, I know its there and if I do not accept it I will simply keep holding onto it and not let go and nothing will change.

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