Archive for D/s relationships

Relationships

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 25, 2010 by naturallysubmissive

It takes two people to make a relationship and it takes two people to destroy a relationship, I say this in part to own the fact that I am only 50% responsible for the relationship.

Early in December my first Domme released me and I thought we parted as friends, there was still some communication between us after I was released and then a few weeks later it got ugly. One thing was always mentioned that no matter what we would be friends, yet this is not the case. I can speculate all I want on what my former Dommes motives were, but  it is speculation. I have always been a firm believer communication and two adults being able to work things out or at least be able to reach an understanding where we are civil with each other. I was always honest and open with her in all my feelings and thoughts. She knew I was feeling conflicted between my loyalty to her and the desire to follow a different path and it was showing up in my journal entries that I sent to her, so she knew what was going on with me. In the conversation we had when she released me, she released me so I could pursue the path that was a head of me without feeling conflicted, so I do not why our last communication got ugly. Was she testing me and wanted to see if I would come back to her? I don’t know and may never know, needless to say I am confused.

I see her as an honorable lady and I am grateful for the two years we had together. I still care about her and yet I know I need to move on with my life and be true to myself. I know in my heart I was always honest with her and I am not responsible for her reactions.

Changes, Relationships and Energy

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , on December 20, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

A lot has changed in the last few weeks, my Domme released me and I think it was for the best for the both of us. I would like to retain the friendship and that remains to be seen if we can allow our relationship to change and evolve and we can now just be friends.

This weekend a friend of mine visited me, we have been playing with energy and have been getting close to each other. I met her for the first time face to face two weeks ago and we behaved like teenagers and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other and this weekend was pretty much the same.  The energy connection between us is amazing and something I have never experienced before. We are both energy workers and over the last few weeks our energetic interactions keep evolving. It used to be just sexual energy and now we find we are touching and exploring other frequencies.

We have been considering each other since I was released and this weekend I asked her if she would accept my gift of submission and she accepted and has offered me the gift of her dominance. I like her alot and in the last two days we have both said we love each other. We are both being cautious and taking things slowly.

Memories and Old Feelings

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My wife asked me to house sit while she is out of town this week on business, because she wanted someone to take care of all our pets. It is hard walking back into this house a place I once thought of as our home. There are so many feelings that get triggered as I walk around this house, so many memories of the life we once had. I have felt my walls coming up not wanting to deal with what I am feeling. Yet one thought keeps coming up for me, I am doing the right thing and I am doing it for myself.

I put her first in all my thoughts and actions and I’ve learned, because I choose to put myself first  how good it feels to  be strong and determined to  live the  life I want to live.  The  loniless sucks, I want to connect with another human being, but I will come to terms with that over time as I fill my new life with new activities and friends.

I have a vision of how I wish to live and the man I am becoming , the person I want in my life and the relationship I desire. I have the right to say no to someone I care about deeply, no matter how much it hurts them, because I want something better for myself.   Not only is it my right it is my responsibility. As I have been reading the posts in fetlife, this  thought  keeps being repeated again and again,  I can  and must be able to say no no matter who the person is, even if she is the Lady I wish to serve and both of us need to be honest and open with each other in all our communications, if we want the relationship to grow.