Archive for kinkster

Punishment A Lesson Learned

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Banishing a submissive is probably the most effective punishment a dominant can give. I know the last month was hard not being able to talk with my Domme. I had to take a look at my neediness and center within myself. I wondered every now and then how my Domme was doing and if I had hurt her, by my actions. Yesterday I had told one of my Domme friends that my banishment was over and she told me how the Domme is also hurt by giving the punishment to the submissive. I’ve been banish 3 times since I have been with my Domme the first two times were for a week and I sulked both times and I did not even think how my Domme would be affected, this time I was banished for a month. When we got back together we talked for a long time. I do not ever want to hurt her because of my actions or behavior. I know she missed me and wanted to reach out, but she needs to be consistent when she punishes me.

I did have time to reflect and think through why I did what I did and why I need to better manage my emotions, when I am upset.

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My Reality Has Been Shaken

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My path is important to me and it has led me to many places in my life and within myself. And now I find myself here exploring a dark and beautiful world.

I have been making the effort to educate myself to understand what I have been feeling all my life and have finally found a label which makes sense to me. I can see the threads in my life where my submissive nature longed to be fed, the intense desire I have for deep intimate connections. The hunger I feel is all encompassing, it drives me to learn, to explore, to feel this life and all its sensations, to have someone play this instrument that is my body and to feel the music as they play with me, to connect with someone to serve and be devoted.

It is like everything is falling apart and coming together at the same time.

Someone told me one cannot submit in a vacumn they were wrong, you can, you just don’t get what you want, but you can still give.

Emergence

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My illusions are falling away.

When I first came across BDSM I thought it was simply people getting their kink on, there is so much more to this world. It is a place of spiritual rebirth for those willing to look within themselves and step outside of box of societal conditioning.

How Far Will I Go?

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My fantasy comes to life, Goddess playing with Her toy.

How far will I go for You Sweet Goddess? How deep will You take me? Can I become strong enough for You and myself to enjoy this journey with You?  What will I learn about You?

I see the fantasy and the dream and wonder who I will become, what do I need to do to grow?

I have been wondering why I want to do this, why I would put myself in Her sadistic hands? Is it the intimacy I have been seeking? Is it to see how deep and wide love can be, when two flow into One? Is God on the otherside or is it sometning else?

Someone I spoke with a little while ago told me, it takes two strong people, otherwise when you add in BDSM to realtionship it is a recipe for disaster. But then again it may also depend on how deep the couple wants to play.

I am learning I must be patient, I will not rush this journey it is important to me.

The First Lesson

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Goddess told me the first lesson I must learn is patience, I keep seeing it and I still want to rush ahead. I have a guide and she has walked this road before, I trust her and I still want to rush ahead. ~LOL~

There are paths I cannot allow my thoughts to walk or when I do I must stop and set them on another trail.

I am grateful she is in my life. ~smiles~

Dark Desires

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I see myself on a spiritual path, living a life of integrity and values and deep inside the darkness calls and when I think about what I want someone to do to me, I wonder. LOL

Hey, maybe I’m just kinky as hell and my inner kinkster is emerging. LOL  No, there is no maybe, I am kinky I just never had the chance to play with this part of me.

Sometimes one of my fantasies is to be bound in some fashion or kneeling for my Goddess as She pierces me with needles and I want to see Her face, Her eyes as She pushes the needles into my flesh. I want Her to see my trust, my fear and I wonder if I can touch Her soul through Her eyes.

The darkness stirs, it wants to be released and free.

I once read to grow spiritually one must explore the light and the darkness within. True freedom comes when one accepts their nature, I will not hide who I am.

I will not die that slow death or allow anyone to define me ever again.