Archive for love

Changes, Relationships and Energy

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , on December 20, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

A lot has changed in the last few weeks, my Domme released me and I think it was for the best for the both of us. I would like to retain the friendship and that remains to be seen if we can allow our relationship to change and evolve and we can now just be friends.

This weekend a friend of mine visited me, we have been playing with energy and have been getting close to each other. I met her for the first time face to face two weeks ago and we behaved like teenagers and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other and this weekend was pretty much the same.  The energy connection between us is amazing and something I have never experienced before. We are both energy workers and over the last few weeks our energetic interactions keep evolving. It used to be just sexual energy and now we find we are touching and exploring other frequencies.

We have been considering each other since I was released and this weekend I asked her if she would accept my gift of submission and she accepted and has offered me the gift of her dominance. I like her alot and in the last two days we have both said we love each other. We are both being cautious and taking things slowly.

Old Patterns

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , on November 29, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I see myself feeling old feelings, because of the judgements I am holding in my mind where I am being reminded of an old relationship.  I keep focusing on seeing from my heart and it is difficult at this time. When I care about someone I do not want to be upset, I keep letting go. I wonder why must I be the one that is patient all the time? Why am I the one who feels like they are the one making all the effort? It takes two to have a relationship. I just want to be at peace, they are my thoughts and I need to let them go.

I just spent the last 6 days house sitting for my wife taking care of the cats while she visited family for the holidays and it feels like a lot of old feelings and frustrations are coming up.

Peace

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on November 27, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I’m keeping things very simple at the moment, I’m letting go of all my thoughts and allowing my feelings to flow. I like the peace and centeredness I am experiencing.

New Relationships, New Ways Of Seeing

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , on November 24, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

One of my questions is how many ways can I love or how many ways can  learn to love you?

I have been experimenting with sharing sexual energy with a new friend and our relationship has gone in an interesting direction, she is poly and has been introducing me to her extended family. I thought about poly a long time ago, but it was more in the terms of having multiple sex partners, than the complete dynamic that is entailed in poly relationships. Communication and honesty is key.

The thought occurred to me that if we are the All/Divine love aren’t we having one big poly relationship only we have gotten caught up in believing we are separate.

I’ve stepped outside of my comfort zone and I’m finding myself confused. I am experiencing emotions with an intesity I have not felt before.

Detach With Love

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on November 22, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Sometimes I care too much about people that are close to me and I can make myself nuts, being overly concerned. I hurt myself when I do this.  I can care and say what needs to be said then I need to let go.

Death

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Sometimes November is not a easy month for me, my mother passed away in November 10 years ago. The first 5 years after mom was gone I was very aware of the day she passed it was stuck in my mind. A few days ago one of my friends told me her mother had passed away and then I got a phone call from my sister telling me an uncle of mine was getting ready to go. I remember looking at the calendar and see the day and noticing the day of my mothers death was fast approaching as well.

I’ve learned grief  comes in waves and over the years the intensity lessens, this year it hit me hard, I was walking around in a fog for a day. Looking back now I can see I was concerned about a friend who has some health challenges at this time and I was afraid of losing her, because she means so much to me.

Sometimes I wish I did not care so deeply when I connect with someone.  Death has taught me to tell the ones I love they are appreciated in my life and I do not miss the opportunity to let those close to me know that I care for them and they are deeply appreciated and their friendships are valued.

Death is a good thing, it reminds us to live this life to the fullest, with passion and not to coast through it half a sleep. Sometimes it hurts loving another, but I will not close myself off from the joys of loving. Some days it is hard to stand tall and walk with purpose and on those days I crawl, until I can stand again tall and strong. Some days I fall and just want to lie there and never get up again, yet I find myself getting backup and dusting myself off no matter how I feel and I take the next step again.

I like what WInston Churchill said, ‘Never, Never, Never give up’. It  is in the hardest, most painful of times of our lives we find our strength and we learn the lessons of faith.

Emergence

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My illusions are falling away.

When I first came across BDSM I thought it was simply people getting their kink on, there is so much more to this world. It is a place of spiritual rebirth for those willing to look within themselves and step outside of box of societal conditioning.