Archive for M/s

Punishment A Lesson Learned

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Banishing a submissive is probably the most effective punishment a dominant can give. I know the last month was hard not being able to talk with my Domme. I had to take a look at my neediness and center within myself. I wondered every now and then how my Domme was doing and if I had hurt her, by my actions. Yesterday I had told one of my Domme friends that my banishment was over and she told me how the Domme is also hurt by giving the punishment to the submissive. I’ve been banish 3 times since I have been with my Domme the first two times were for a week and I sulked both times and I did not even think how my Domme would be affected, this time I was banished for a month. When we got back together we talked for a long time. I do not ever want to hurt her because of my actions or behavior. I know she missed me and wanted to reach out, but she needs to be consistent when she punishes me.

I did have time to reflect and think through why I did what I did and why I need to better manage my emotions, when I am upset.

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How Far Will I Go?

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My fantasy comes to life, Goddess playing with Her toy.

How far will I go for You Sweet Goddess? How deep will You take me? Can I become strong enough for You and myself to enjoy this journey with You?  What will I learn about You?

I see the fantasy and the dream and wonder who I will become, what do I need to do to grow?

I have been wondering why I want to do this, why I would put myself in Her sadistic hands? Is it the intimacy I have been seeking? Is it to see how deep and wide love can be, when two flow into One? Is God on the otherside or is it sometning else?

Someone I spoke with a little while ago told me, it takes two strong people, otherwise when you add in BDSM to realtionship it is a recipe for disaster. But then again it may also depend on how deep the couple wants to play.

I am learning I must be patient, I will not rush this journey it is important to me.

The First Lesson

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Goddess told me the first lesson I must learn is patience, I keep seeing it and I still want to rush ahead. I have a guide and she has walked this road before, I trust her and I still want to rush ahead. ~LOL~

There are paths I cannot allow my thoughts to walk or when I do I must stop and set them on another trail.

I am grateful she is in my life. ~smiles~

Dark Desires

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I see myself on a spiritual path, living a life of integrity and values and deep inside the darkness calls and when I think about what I want someone to do to me, I wonder. LOL

Hey, maybe I’m just kinky as hell and my inner kinkster is emerging. LOL  No, there is no maybe, I am kinky I just never had the chance to play with this part of me.

Sometimes one of my fantasies is to be bound in some fashion or kneeling for my Goddess as She pierces me with needles and I want to see Her face, Her eyes as She pushes the needles into my flesh. I want Her to see my trust, my fear and I wonder if I can touch Her soul through Her eyes.

The darkness stirs, it wants to be released and free.

I once read to grow spiritually one must explore the light and the darkness within. True freedom comes when one accepts their nature, I will not hide who I am.

I will not die that slow death or allow anyone to define me ever again.

A New Life

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

At the beginning of this week I felt like I was starting to come out of a fog, everyone I have talked to that has been divorced has said the same thing give yourself time and everyone is different. And I kept thinking well there is that and how about lets also add in all these submissive feelings that have been coming up, sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy, when I brought this up to my dominant friend she said what I am going through is normal.  Sometimes some of feelings when they come up it is like a drug and all I can think of is Goddess and how I wish to serve her, she becomes my whole focus and then afterwards I feel drained and depressed. One thing that keeps coming up is I need to make sure I am eating,  sleeping, exercising and meditating.

I started taking some more action to find out all the areas of my life that will be affected by the divorce and I started letting a few people know that things have changed in my life. As I did I started feeling a wonderful sense of freedom, I get to find out who I am what my submissiveness means to me and I can start making new friends and get their perspective on how they see themselves living The Lifestyle.

I look at my friend, lol, I call her Goddess, she allows be to be me, what a wonderful freedom and friend to have. She once told me she will always see me as submissive and I know I will always see her as Goddess, we are good friends. She is a true dominant and I respect her, she told me in the beginning she was but a guide and the willingness must be mine and true honesty is spoken by ones actions. Well she gets to watch my feet and see how honest I am.

I get to create a whole new life.  ~LOL~

I have a new relationship to explore the one I am having with myself.

I am not even counting the days until my banishment is over and we can talk again, I have come to terms with guilt I felt and I know this time apart needed to happen for other reasons.

BSDM is a stepping stone, the door opens through love and connection through serving. I’m rambling, my meditations have been very interesting. I found the gift in service elsewhere and now I see it here; honesty, willingness, trust, surrender, being open… beautiful gifts of the soul. We surrender to each other, we serve each other, Goddess and slave and we find the Infinite beyond.

A Request

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Hello,

For those of you that are reading my blog I have a request, now that I am free to explore my submissive nature and if you are into BDSM and know of any sites, blogs or groups where I can find other subs that I can learn from and/or talk to it would be greatly appreciated.  My email address is naturally.submissive@yahoo.com

Thank you in advance,

a spirit seeking the lessons in the joy of service

Banished

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Two days ago Goddess banished me for a month, I had confessed to her a transgression and begged to be punished. Yesterday I could feel the shame and guilt coursing through me, because of what I did. Goddess has told me not to contact her a few times before for my own good, because she wanted me to learn something. This is only the second time my punishment has been banishment and this is the longest period of time she has ever given me. All the other times when I could not contact her I felt that I had done something wrong and I was not pleasing to her and I was not trying hard enough, yet she has told me to be patient for I have much to learn.

Goddess tells me it is my responsibility to manage my feels and thoughts and to hold myself in love, yet sometimes my thoughts race away and I find myself feeling fear.

This will be an interesting test, Goddess and I have many interests that are the same; one of them is the desire to grow spiritually, we both look at the multiple levels of play in our lives and in our interactions; the friendship we have in this life, the connection as man and woman, the gift exchanged between Domme and sub are but a few. We both know we are spiritual creatures having a human experience and we are mirrors for each others growth. She is my mirror so I may see where I need to grow. I cause my own upsets by the thoughts I hold in my mind. The Dommes power is in controlling access to Her and the male sub has the need of pleasing her and his biology driving him to respond to Her, well there is more to the dynamic, but this is the bare bones. When she denies me contact, I can feel my fears and doubts kick in, and I have been getting better at monitoring my thoughts and feelings and finding my center and holding myself in love.

I screwed up and I got honest about it and I begged to be punished, that is required of me and I must obey. It is easier now to stop the thoughts now that I have started an old meditation. I see now how I can feel the fear forming within my body and how easy it is to let it go and flow through me and I find myself at peace. Goddess told me in the beginning discipline is a gift of Love. When I return I will thank my Goddess for my punishment and I will tell her the lessons I have learned. I have noticed how energy is freeing up in other areas of my life as I do the meditation throughout the day, there have been some interesting shifts.

Another lesson I am learning is to be grateful for the time and attention I do receive, because I know Goddess is a busy woman.