Archive for peace

Silence

Posted in My Journey with tags , , on December 3, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I am learning to be still.

When I see a thought now, I can touch it and watch it dissolve.

Old Patterns

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , on November 29, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I see myself feeling old feelings, because of the judgements I am holding in my mind where I am being reminded of an old relationship.  I keep focusing on seeing from my heart and it is difficult at this time. When I care about someone I do not want to be upset, I keep letting go. I wonder why must I be the one that is patient all the time? Why am I the one who feels like they are the one making all the effort? It takes two to have a relationship. I just want to be at peace, they are my thoughts and I need to let them go.

I just spent the last 6 days house sitting for my wife taking care of the cats while she visited family for the holidays and it feels like a lot of old feelings and frustrations are coming up.

Peace

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on November 27, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I’m keeping things very simple at the moment, I’m letting go of all my thoughts and allowing my feelings to flow. I like the peace and centeredness I am experiencing.

My Banishment Has Ended

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I’m happy, I spoke to Goddess today and we had a very long talk, we spoke about the rules I have now and She has given me a great deal of freedom to explore, She is very much appreciated.

The last month has been very good for me, it gave me time to reflect on many things. I have found an incredible peace within and a connection to myself.  Journaling and meditating daily have been very helpful.

Surrender is my big word at the moment, surrender it all.

Energy, Grounding and at Peace

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I found a few article on ‘submissive mythology’ and ‘submissive emergence’ the threads that the author discussed were very interesting, I saw so many of the patterns of my life in her articles.

I keep noticing how I am grounding and how energy is moving through me, with each day I feel a stillness within and my thoughts keep slowing down. I can get lost in this moment as I breath, the flow of energy runs right through me to the center of the earth.

I’m at peace today.

Seeking Approval

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I’m almost embarrased to write about this, how old am I now and I still look for approval outside of myself. I know it is a need that we have, I’ve read enough books over the years. We humans a social creatures and week seek approval to be validated and I know it is not a good thing to be seeking it solely outside of ourselves. I know in some areas of my life I feel strong and I do not need it, yet is some I still look to others.

Over the last couple of weeks I keep noticing how I catch myself from saying something that I normally would just to impress someone in some way. I think that a lot of what I have been reading in Fetlife has been influencing my thinking. I find myself asking just before I speak, why am I doing this and I notice that I want to impress someone with what I have learned, am I sharing from my heart and not my head.

I have also noticed and realized that when my feelings are strong and I write something I want to post that I have been stepping back and not posting and giving myself time to consider what I have written until I have had sometime to get centered and calm down.

I am seeing shifts in my behavior and personality, this urge to slow down and be at peace with myself has been showing up a great deal.

I have spent enough time in therapy to understand there is a boy who never got the love he needed at the time and wants to be held, sometimes that feeling still shows up and I can feel the hurt from years long past. And now even that feels different, because when I decided to leave my marriage, I felt a new strength showing up, because I am a learning to value myself first.

I spent the last two years coming to terms with myself that I wanted out of my marriage and I know what I want in my next relationship, but for right now I want to discover who I am, because I lost myself in the marriage.

 

At Peace

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 26, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I like where I am at today and even this now moment. I keep noticing that I am slowing down and not rushing anything, everything will unfold in its own time. I know something is happening I am noticing during my interactions with people that where I would normally interject a few comments, that I am holding back. Funny how I do not want to impress anyone or seek their approval and that has been a big deal, look at me see how smart I am.

I came across a new grounding meditation and I like how I am feeling and the flow of energy.