Archive for solitude

Thanksgiving – Alone

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , on November 27, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Yesterday was the first time I have spent a major holiday by myself and I wasn’t sure how I would feel. The holiday is a time for families getting together and being grateful. I enjoyed the solitude, not having to rush anywhere , listening to the same repetitive tired old conversations that happen when families get together.

I grew to hate the holiday dinners growing up, there was a lot of stress in my family around the holiday times when e got together. When I was introduced to my wifes family I enjoyed them, because they actually had fun and laughed and everything seemed so serious in the home I grew.

Someone told me as we grow up we have the opportunity to create a new family for ourselves.

 

Punishment A Lesson Learned

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Banishing a submissive is probably the most effective punishment a dominant can give. I know the last month was hard not being able to talk with my Domme. I had to take a look at my neediness and center within myself. I wondered every now and then how my Domme was doing and if I had hurt her, by my actions. Yesterday I had told one of my Domme friends that my banishment was over and she told me how the Domme is also hurt by giving the punishment to the submissive. I’ve been banish 3 times since I have been with my Domme the first two times were for a week and I sulked both times and I did not even think how my Domme would be affected, this time I was banished for a month. When we got back together we talked for a long time. I do not ever want to hurt her because of my actions or behavior. I know she missed me and wanted to reach out, but she needs to be consistent when she punishes me.

I did have time to reflect and think through why I did what I did and why I need to better manage my emotions, when I am upset.

Emergence

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My illusions are falling away.

When I first came across BDSM I thought it was simply people getting their kink on, there is so much more to this world. It is a place of spiritual rebirth for those willing to look within themselves and step outside of box of societal conditioning.

How Far Will I Go?

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My fantasy comes to life, Goddess playing with Her toy.

How far will I go for You Sweet Goddess? How deep will You take me? Can I become strong enough for You and myself to enjoy this journey with You?  What will I learn about You?

I see the fantasy and the dream and wonder who I will become, what do I need to do to grow?

I have been wondering why I want to do this, why I would put myself in Her sadistic hands? Is it the intimacy I have been seeking? Is it to see how deep and wide love can be, when two flow into One? Is God on the otherside or is it sometning else?

Someone I spoke with a little while ago told me, it takes two strong people, otherwise when you add in BDSM to realtionship it is a recipe for disaster. But then again it may also depend on how deep the couple wants to play.

I am learning I must be patient, I will not rush this journey it is important to me.

The First Lesson

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Goddess told me the first lesson I must learn is patience, I keep seeing it and I still want to rush ahead. I have a guide and she has walked this road before, I trust her and I still want to rush ahead. ~LOL~

There are paths I cannot allow my thoughts to walk or when I do I must stop and set them on another trail.

I am grateful she is in my life. ~smiles~

Balance

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , on October 11, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I can get so impatient at times when I get interested in learning something new and I want to put all my attention on what I am learning and I can let other areas of my life slide. Hey, patience Rome wasn’t built in a day, one day at a time. Little steps and actions will get me where I want to go, all I need to do is set my intention for the day and be focused on where I want to go and how I desire to see myself the rest will follow.

Where will this road go?

I have started a new chapter  in my book of life; what will I write on these pages of days? Who do I desire to become? What experiences do I want? Who do I want to know? Who do I want in my life?

A time of reflection in the desert of solitude,
time enough to allow the sun to burn me clean,
so my spirit may soar.

Time to clear the debris and sort through what is important to me.

I touch my dream in this time and think of how She touched my soul.

Gently did she caress me and all became unraveled,
the veils falling away clearing my vision and it is with my heart I see.