Archive for submissive

Changes, Relationships and Energy

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , on December 20, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

A lot has changed in the last few weeks, my Domme released me and I think it was for the best for the both of us. I would like to retain the friendship and that remains to be seen if we can allow our relationship to change and evolve and we can now just be friends.

This weekend a friend of mine visited me, we have been playing with energy and have been getting close to each other. I met her for the first time face to face two weeks ago and we behaved like teenagers and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other and this weekend was pretty much the same.  The energy connection between us is amazing and something I have never experienced before. We are both energy workers and over the last few weeks our energetic interactions keep evolving. It used to be just sexual energy and now we find we are touching and exploring other frequencies.

We have been considering each other since I was released and this weekend I asked her if she would accept my gift of submission and she accepted and has offered me the gift of her dominance. I like her alot and in the last two days we have both said we love each other. We are both being cautious and taking things slowly.

Punishment A Lesson Learned

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

Banishing a submissive is probably the most effective punishment a dominant can give. I know the last month was hard not being able to talk with my Domme. I had to take a look at my neediness and center within myself. I wondered every now and then how my Domme was doing and if I had hurt her, by my actions. Yesterday I had told one of my Domme friends that my banishment was over and she told me how the Domme is also hurt by giving the punishment to the submissive. I’ve been banish 3 times since I have been with my Domme the first two times were for a week and I sulked both times and I did not even think how my Domme would be affected, this time I was banished for a month. When we got back together we talked for a long time. I do not ever want to hurt her because of my actions or behavior. I know she missed me and wanted to reach out, but she needs to be consistent when she punishes me.

I did have time to reflect and think through why I did what I did and why I need to better manage my emotions, when I am upset.

My Banishment Has Ended

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I’m happy, I spoke to Goddess today and we had a very long talk, we spoke about the rules I have now and She has given me a great deal of freedom to explore, She is very much appreciated.

The last month has been very good for me, it gave me time to reflect on many things. I have found an incredible peace within and a connection to myself.  Journaling and meditating daily have been very helpful.

Surrender is my big word at the moment, surrender it all.

Energy, Grounding and at Peace

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

I found a few article on ‘submissive mythology’ and ‘submissive emergence’ the threads that the author discussed were very interesting, I saw so many of the patterns of my life in her articles.

I keep noticing how I am grounding and how energy is moving through me, with each day I feel a stillness within and my thoughts keep slowing down. I can get lost in this moment as I breath, the flow of energy runs right through me to the center of the earth.

I’m at peace today.

My Reality Has Been Shaken

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My path is important to me and it has led me to many places in my life and within myself. And now I find myself here exploring a dark and beautiful world.

I have been making the effort to educate myself to understand what I have been feeling all my life and have finally found a label which makes sense to me. I can see the threads in my life where my submissive nature longed to be fed, the intense desire I have for deep intimate connections. The hunger I feel is all encompassing, it drives me to learn, to explore, to feel this life and all its sensations, to have someone play this instrument that is my body and to feel the music as they play with me, to connect with someone to serve and be devoted.

It is like everything is falling apart and coming together at the same time.

Someone told me one cannot submit in a vacumn they were wrong, you can, you just don’t get what you want, but you can still give.

Emergence

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My illusions are falling away.

When I first came across BDSM I thought it was simply people getting their kink on, there is so much more to this world. It is a place of spiritual rebirth for those willing to look within themselves and step outside of box of societal conditioning.

Memories and Old Feelings

Posted in My Journey with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2009 by naturallysubmissive

My wife asked me to house sit while she is out of town this week on business, because she wanted someone to take care of all our pets. It is hard walking back into this house a place I once thought of as our home. There are so many feelings that get triggered as I walk around this house, so many memories of the life we once had. I have felt my walls coming up not wanting to deal with what I am feeling. Yet one thought keeps coming up for me, I am doing the right thing and I am doing it for myself.

I put her first in all my thoughts and actions and I’ve learned, because I choose to put myself first  how good it feels to  be strong and determined to  live the  life I want to live.  The  loniless sucks, I want to connect with another human being, but I will come to terms with that over time as I fill my new life with new activities and friends.

I have a vision of how I wish to live and the man I am becoming , the person I want in my life and the relationship I desire. I have the right to say no to someone I care about deeply, no matter how much it hurts them, because I want something better for myself.   Not only is it my right it is my responsibility. As I have been reading the posts in fetlife, this  thought  keeps being repeated again and again,  I can  and must be able to say no no matter who the person is, even if she is the Lady I wish to serve and both of us need to be honest and open with each other in all our communications, if we want the relationship to grow.